Case studies from different European countries
My "friend" Ben
Internet pornography / Slovenia
A teenager became friend with a boy, called Ben, who supposed to be in the same age as he was. He seemed to give him practical advice on how to handle his girlfriend, but this led to a disaster …
Meine Geschichte:
My story: “Today the police came to our house. They stood in front of our house suddenly and wanted to get inside. When they started to talk about Ben I first thought that something had happened to him. But then it became clear to me what they wanted to tell me. I didn´t believe it. I was sure that they wanted to blame him for something. Then they showed me a picture.
I ´ve got to know Ben, however his real name is, through Internet. We played “Halo” and he was rather good. I cannot remember who started to talk but I think it was him. He was really funny, I had to laugh about his comments and he always used smilys as answers for my remarks. When I got into the forum, I looked for him and most of the time he was in. Then we played games or sometimes we used to talk, just about anything.
Most of the time I talked. I thought he was interested in me. Before I have sent him my email address I knew him quiet a long time, nearly three months. I thought it did not matter at all to send him my picture – he also had sent me one of him. It was cool and showed him skating. Then I sent him more pictures, and when I had a girlfriend I also sent him pictures of her. He was happy for me and for two weeks he always opened our conversation by sending me blinking smilys. I told him nearly everything.
Then he started to ask questions, if my girlfriend was really “hot”. It made me feel insecure and confused me. I mean, it was my first girlfriend and I have not had much experience. But he boasted that he knows very well what to do and he told me he could help me. And well, actually I did not want his help, but I did not want to offend him, he was always very nice and he listened to everything I babbled. Sometimes I did what he advised me to do, for example, that with kissing: I had the feeling that my girlfriend liked it better if I did not only open my mouth but also rotate with my tongue in a circle.
Sometimes I only told him that I did what he advised me to do, although I did not do anything. He always was very proud of both of us. We had been together for a few months, when he suggested that he could offer a little more help if I would send him a video of my girlfriend and me. I slowly had the feeling that it was time that we got one step further in our relationship, but to share that with Ben, I found it too crass. He did not push me. Then l did not hear from him for a few days. When he was back online, he said that he had been together with his new girlfriend last week and that they had spent all week in bed. He liked to tell me all the details. He suggested again to send him a video of my girlfriend and that he could help me then and that I should be the one who should tell the details.
I knew that my girlfriend would never let me film her. So I just set up my webcam for recording without saying anything to her. Ben could see everything and he was able to give me good advice. At the next meeting with my girlfriend, I did everything as he told me, and it totally worked out well. It was amazing.
Ben was always totally supportive and constructive and I never had an unpleasant feeling. A few times I've been thinking about what would happen if my girlfriend would get to know it, but she did not know Ben anyway and I was sure he would never tell anything to her. So it was no problem at all. That´s what I thought at least until today until the police showed up with all the pictures and videos. I do not want to think that my mother would also see the pictures. Now it is clear that Ben, or however be may be called, has not been my friend. He was an adult, an old man, who put all our videos on a website with child pornography. They even accused me of complicity. I will have to tell my girlfriend, she will never forgive me and I'm not going to forgive me either.